I’m at a remote location in the middle of the pacific – on a tiny skiff. Our guide, Sebastien, is telling us the history of the island San Benedicto. It’s incredible. Built from volcanic ash and earth mixed over time. We had been at Punta Tosca the day before, and had a similar tour. I’m awed by the history laid out in the lines of the island. Each crevice tells a story. Each bubble has had an impact. Each crack has been defined by the initial eruption and the impact of each wave that hits its face. I am awed and humble at both its vastness and its smallness in the universe. Similar to Darwin’s Arch in the Galapagos, Ecuador, these beautiful molten pinnacles spire out of the ocean. Only, Darwin’s arch has now fallen (I was there after the fall). THE pinnacle at San Benedicto has also fallen, but the tip is still protruding from the sea. I’m not alone. One of the other guests gasps, “we are nothing!” I smile. Indeed. We are but tiny specks of dust in a wrinkle of time.
In preparation for the retreat I held in January, I read an article about the importance of getting outside. Apparently, according to the article, people who regularly go outdoors have a better overall mental health than those who don’t. The article posited that people who get outside have a better grasp of their place in the world and how they relate to that bigger picture. If we get back to thinking about pillars of wellness, then it incorporates both environmental wellness and spiritual wellness. As I look at this rock surrounding me, with arches that have been formed over the time of being struck by ocean waves, it’s a good reminder of the trivial nature of much I have been worrying about.
This trip, of course, is not solely about spending hours on a ship to get to a remote island in the Pacific Ocean to site-see around the island on a skiff, as magical as that is. This trip is about diving. This trip is about diving with pelagic fish. (And, for those of you, non-divers – “Pelagic fish inhabit the water column (not near the bottom or the shore) of coasts, open oceans, and lakes.” https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/pelagic.html Truth be told, I’m here for the mantas. I’m happy to see any fish, honestly. I always am. But, I came because I have a strong desire to see oceanic manta rays. This is supposed to be their season.
I am not disappointed. First dive of the trip, within the first five minutes, I see a manta. It swoops over the group and then disappears into the blue open ocean. Rays, to me, are captivating because they are reminiscent of birds flying through the sea. I am as impressed by a sting ray as I am by an oceanic manta rays, for each have incredible grace and beauty. I have long contemplated a tattoo of an eagle ray because it is the essence of life – beautiful, graceful, dirty (they spend much time kicking up sand looking for critters to eat) and free. I have yet to see a tattoo that is able to capture the beauty of the creature itself, however. But, that is my hope. Nonetheless – while in beauty each ray has a divine light, the manta’s size is breathtaking. I was incredibly lucky on this trip to see many – and to spend time (almost) alone with one – he and I mesmerized by each other. And, that same feeling of being merely a pebble of sand in a vast world returned. The manta’s “wings” spanned almost fifteen feet. It looked me in the eye and I was humbled.
This is not my first experience with this feeling while underwater. I think the first time I dove, I felt this feeling – of being tiny and insignificant by myself, but part of a huge vast system of life and energy. The second time I remember feeling this was snorkeling with whale sharks. I remember when I first jumped in, starting to hyperventilate because I was so awed by their size. You feel so tiny, knowing that one real blow from their tail could at the least take your breath away. Nature, both on land and on sea, has a way of putting me in my place.
But, in these moments with nature, the sweetness of life is revealed. We are a beam of light traveling through the darkness of a solar system. We are both incredibly important and yet extremely insignificant. Our energy changes forces throughout the field in which we operate, and yet, ultimately if our light diminishes, as it undoubtedly must, life will continue forward. How wonderfully sad.
This trip has been many things for me. It was everything I was looking for – time away, time to reconnect with the world, time to step back and breathe. It has been a time of reflection. It has been a time of renewal.
Yesterday I was reading a post from a friend who is visiting DC. She is there, staying at a fancy hotel, shopping, going to spas and drinking fruity cocktails. Her post mentioned that she was taking time for herself and allotting herself time for self-care. I chuckled to myself how different that looked for different people. But, then it struck me – that’s kind of life, isn’t it?
I have several younger clients (i.e. in their mid-20s) right now who all seem to be dealing with this crisis of “who do I want to be? What do I want to do with my life?” I’ve been thinking recently of how much pressure we put on ourselves to fit into this mold that others create for us. So many people, especially if they try to do anything different, are asked, “why aren’t you...?” These days I find it humorous – but, it is remarkable how many times I’ve been asked, “Why aren’t you married? Why don’t you have kids? It’s selfish of you not to have children!” “Why don’t you get XXX job?” Even these days, “Why doesn’t your boyfriend dive? Are you going to get your boyfriend to dive?” “Why do you travel so much?”
And, for as much as I have complained about my mother over the years, I am supremely grateful to her for helping instill in me that what I do with my life is solely my business. I need not answer to anyone except myself. But, I wonder how many people have gotten that message growing up? I wonder how many people are subjected to feeling that they “must” fit in! They “must” do what is expected. They “can’t” let people down. During the retreat I held, people reminded me too, of how much this can exist culturally as well (meaning that in certain cultures, certain behaviors are expected/demanded – and it is very difficult to break free of those bonds. Moreover, there is often a “burden” that exists in some ways for people who are minorities and who have “made it” to be a “role model” and a mentor for others who are aiming for those same goals).
Diving, however, reminds me that those expectations (on me and on others) are man-made and false. In some ways they are shackles that we put on ourselves (and society attempts to put on us, certainly). A video on positive psychology that I love (I’ve talked about it on here before – but, it’s Sean Achor’s TED talk) speaks to the situation where in schools, they have studied how kids learn, and they teach to the average. The video suggests that if we instead studied the outliers, and see why the people who are so far ahead of the average were that way and tried to replicate it, we might expand what we are capable of doing.
If I put this another way – if we stopped trying to force people into these roles and paths that feel comfortable and “normal,” what potential could we unleash? I have noticed more and more over the past several years – it is the times that I let go of expectations when I feel my most creative, my most alive, my most open. It is in these moments with the vastness of life, that I realize our potential as a human race is infinite if we are open to it. If we allow ourselves to break free of the chain that bind us to that place, that role, that job, that lifestyle, how much could we discover? Probably more than sitting in an office chair doing what everyone else is doing ever will. What are you doing to get outside yourself today?
“The best education does not happen behind a desk, but rather engaged in every day living – hands on, exploring, in active relationship with life.” ~Vince Gowmon
***Picture of manta ray was taken from https://epic7travel.com/world-socorro-islands/. Picture of whaleshark was taken by my guide from Blue H20 in Isla Mujeres.***
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