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  • jeniferfoster2

Change is coming

Updated: Jun 14, 2023

I’m leaving today. Man – this is hard. I’m weepy. Change is hard.

The cats are sticking to me this morning. I think they know something is up. I will miss them.

Truth is, I will miss this place. I have told more than a couple of guests that this place gets into your soul. I’m not kidding. I was a little weepy the first time I left here, after staying a month. This time is harder. It’s so silly though, because I know I will be back at some point. But, it seems like something is ending. I think it also doesn’t help that I really am not sure what is next.

Okay – first aside, and then I’ll come back to the original thought. I just want to clarify something I said yesterday. I said this place is not for me long term. I said that for a couple of reasons, but not the ones you might think. This resort is amazing. It has one of the highest numbers of return guests. There is a reason. The team of staff at the resort are incredibly special people. They are warm and kind and funny. I love the team here, and I love working with them. My problem here is not with them at all. In fact, I wish I knew them better. My problem is they all go home at the end of the workday, and I really don’t get to hang out with any of them. And, the resort guests leave at the end of the week, and there are only a few long-term owners in this little block of the island. Thus, I’m isolated. Also, my boyfriend, is not a diver and would go bonkers if he were at this resort because of the isolation. When it comes down to it, those are the two major reasons why this resort is not my forever home. I’m sure if I were staying longer, I could find a work-around – but, after being here four months – those are my major reasons.

Back to my main thought though. This place is hard to leave. Truth be told, I always hate leaving. I always hate goodbyes. That’s true for each goodbye in my life – whether it be leaving a job; leaving a location; losing someone I love. I hate it. Even though with each goodbye comes the promise of something new, different (and sometimes better). That isn’t to say that the goodbye isn’t painful. Because it is.

I have a friend of mine who recently was telling me about how something she is doing now was her attempt to recreate something special she had as a child. I remember my mother used to always talk about her Christmases as a child. She explained that her rather large extended family would pile into her small immediate family’s house. She said everyone would bring gifts and so, there would be a mountain of presents surrounding the tree. She said she felt Christmas was “magical” as a child, and I always got the feeling she was trying to recreate that when I was growing up. But, I don’t think she was ever satisfied that she had done it.

And, there is the problem, right? Most of us have periods in our lives that are great. Sometimes it is hard not to want to return to it; especially when we remember it with rose-colored glasses. It’s easy to forget the stress, the pain, the challenge of it. Our bodies just want to hold on for one more moment to that something special. The problem is that life is really constant change. We have very little control over that. Many of us try to control it, but life has a way of showing you that you can’t.

I was thinking about the divemasters here and the diveshop staff. They are hilarious, each one of them, and I will miss them. I was feeling rather sorry for myself that I doubted they would even particularly notice that I am not around. But, then I realized it – they are constantly saying goodbye to people. Week after week, the constant stream of visitors. So, it only makes sense that they would build their stability outside of the guests. We all need stability. Some of us are a little more willing to change and take risks than others – but, it all comes back to creating stability through the ever-changing world.

Have you noticed that all of my recent posts have been competing interests that we have to deal with as humans? Stability versus change. It’s tough. The challenge of it is realizing that life is changing whether we are part of it or not. I have occasionally been the one leaving – stepping out to do something new. But, I have also been the one left. Watching others leave. Having to say goodbye. Both are hard.

There is potential that comes with every change, but man – change can be challenging and gut-wrenching and tiring.

Goodbye to Roatan. For now. I hope you haven’t changed too much when I return.

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